Liar lawyer!!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the  American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word,  taken down and now  published  by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges  were actually taking place. Mainly these are New York Lawyers. Read these...

 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
 ______________________________

 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 WITNESS: July 18th.
 ATTORNEY: What year?
 WITNESS: Every year.
 _____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the  impact?
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect  your memory at all?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your  memory?
 WITNESS: I forget.
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you  forgot?
 _____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with  you?
 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't  remember which.
 ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years.
 _____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said  to you that  morning?
 WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 WITNESS: My name is Susan.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever  been involved in voodoo?
 WITNESS: We both do.
 ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
 WITNESS: We do.
 ATTORNEY: You do?
 WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a  person dies in his  sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next  morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 ___________________________________

 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how  old is he?
 WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
 ________________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was  taken?
 WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)  was August 8th?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: Uh....
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS: None.
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 WITNESS: By death.
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
 pursuant to a deposition
 notice which I sent to your attorney?
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have  you performed on dead  people?
 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead  people.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What  school did you go  to?
 WITNESS: Oral.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined  the body?
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering  why I was doing an  autopsy on him!
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 WITNESS: Huh?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,  did you check for a  pulse?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient  was alive when you  began the autopsy?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in  a jar.
 ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been  alive, nevertheless?
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been  alive and practicing law.

I wonder what the Judge and the jury thought about these ones...anyways,

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 - WiCkEd!