Young punk 

A young punk gets on the bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. 

He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next 10 minutes. 

Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, 
'What are you looking at, you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?' 

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, 
'Yeah, back when I was young and in the navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a parrot. I thought that maybe you were my son!'
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bungee jumping 


What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common? 

They both cost about $100. 

They both last about 30 seconds. 

And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you're a dead man.
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Two men on a desert island 
two men were shipwrecked on a desert island inhabited by canibals, the cheif said that he was a fair man, and that he wouldnt eat the men if they went into the rainforest and brought out a wheelbarrow of his favourite fruit, the first man came out with grapes, and the cheif said sorry, but i will give you one more chance, if you can push all of those up your bum without laughing, i will let you go. the man gets to the last one and bursts out laughing, the cheif asks him why he started laughing, the man replied, "i just saw my mate and he has a barrow full of coconuts!" 
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