|
Surprised
Valentine
At the office, where I worked, there was an angel there.
Her hair was long and flowing, and her skin was soft and fair.
I wanted so, to ask her out, but I was way too shy.
I thought she was too beautiful, for me to even try.
A few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away.
I could not get the courage up, and "Hi" was all I'd say.
Then, I had an idea, I would get her home address,
And send a valentine to her, and with it I'd express,
The way I feel about her, and the way she makes me feel,
And the feelings that I have, are very, very real.
I'll tell her that I dream of her, and how it all would be,
If she would only take the time, to be alone with me.
I poured my heart out in the card, and ask her to be mine,
And then I dropped it in the mail, my special valentine.
In just a few short days, I had a response in the mail,
A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.
I wondered what she said in it, and what she thinks of me,
I guess the only way to know, is open it and see.
With great anticipation, I removed the envelope,
And closed my eyes a moment, as my heart filled up with hope.
I opened up my eyes to see a card shaped like a heart,
And in the center someone drew a bloody piercing dart.
I opened up the card to see, if writing was inside,
And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.
"I'd love to be your valentine, but I think I will pass,
My husband says he'll be at work, to kick your stupid ass.
I'm glad you like my body, and you think it's really fine,
My husband says this card is going where the sun don't shine.
In your card, you said there's things to me you'd love to do,
I think my husband's going to do, all of those things to you.
So, have a Happy Valentines, I'll see you Monday morn,
My husband says on Tuesday, you'll wish you were never born."
Valentine's Day Funny Poems
Because many men are bad at expressing their feelings, let alone write poetry, we have this "form poem" to help you along.
ONE FOR ALL
Oh, (put lover's name here) thou art so gorgeous
Your eyes so (eye color here) are like that of a temptress
With your love you have made me complete.
My passion burns like (pet name) when she is in heat
The love you give me spreads like an infection
Which is why (name of girl who dumped you) gave me a rejection
So let me reveal a secret to you
And then you can decide what you must do
I'm so desperate I could turn to sodomy,
Stop this desire before I have a lobotomy.
So on this Valentine's night
Wear the silk nightie, and don't put up a fight.
Night of Valentine's Day
Was the night made for lovers
Called St. Valentine's
And I was sick on the couch
From eating candy hearts that said "Be mine"
The phone was not ringing
And there was no one about
My girl had left me yesterday
Because of a domestic spout.
There was no dinner on the stove
No roses in the vase
I was so lonely,
Just Chilling to Nas.
I was left alone with nothing to do
Then to my sudden surprise
I looked up from the couch
And a TV ad caught my eyes
If I dialed 900-talk smut
And put my ear to the phone
Some disgusting woman, possibly a slut
Would relieve me of being alone.
All they needed was a credit card
To keep me warm on V-Day
A few dirty remarks
And I felt like I had gotten a lay.
That's the way of phone sex
On V-day when you are single
Give them a call,
So your pants might feel a tingle.
By Desperate Cupid
For
one more Valentine Poem Click Here
|
