Hawai Dhamaka

    Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen? This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. 

    I apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. 

    This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi.

    Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is inour favor, we may even be landing on your village! 

    Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists  are afraid to fly with us! 

    It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. 

     For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court  settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth  pleasant and memorable, weserve complimentary tea and biscuits! 

    For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! 

    We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight  movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But  for our movie buff, we  will be flying right next to Air India, where theirmovie will be visible  from  the right side of the cabin window.

    There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke  you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! 

    Life jackets are positioned under your seats  and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts  to the uncles, for emergency jumps! 

    In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as  possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little  too close do let us  know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right   through the landmark!

  Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright  position or take off and fasten your belt. 

For those of you who can't  find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for  those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a  flight attendant for your suitcase. 

   Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit. 

Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. 

HAVE A NICE JOURNEY!!!